When little Janie Fisher was a lass she always knew
That she would need herself a boat and crew some day
She always did believe the seas would rise
And so it came as no surprise when global warming came to stay
She started hoarding wood when she was five
When she was ten she used to skive off school and work upon her plan
Most people thought her crazy but they landed in the gravy
When the oceans started lapping up the land a ton of sweets

It stared up in Norfolk when six feet of salty water
Rose and occupied Kings Lynn and all the fens
Ipswich, London, Cambridge, Bristol, it came fast
And Janie just got up her mast before it reached the garden fence
With ten thousand tins of beans a ton of sweets and other things
She needed for the coming months she stepped aboard
With a crew of loyal friends a dog, a act, a clutch of hens
And her pet bat she hoisted sail and set her course

It wasn't long before they reached a bunch of saddened men
Who'd beached their boat upon the dome of great St. Paul's
When she asked them 'who are you?' they said 'the Cambridge rowing crew
We were going fine but then we lost our oars
The other trouble that we've had, you see how little room we have
We couldn't fit in food, we've starved for days'
Janie fed them beans on toast but what they thanked her for the most
A dozen broomsticks and some old school dinner trays

She left them bodging paddles on the roof, a living proof
That there is more to brains than where you went to school
And as they headed South and West they fished for tat amongst the mess
That floated on the surface of that salty pool
There was almost everything from clothes to beds with rusty springs
They caught a table and a whole new set of chairs
But when Janie's cousin John hooked what looked to be a bomb
They all ran and hid beneath the cabin stairs

It was then they came across a man who clung for dear life
Upon the tip of Salisbury cathedral spire
He clutched a briefcase stuffed with loot, he wore the ruins of a suit
They recognized the politician now retired
Who before the floods had started was in charge of the Department
For the Climate and the Use of Energy
The man who hadn't done enough, who'd pitched them right into the rough
They helped him up then knocked him to his knees

He soon was scrubbing down the decks, they made him clean up all their mess
They had him cooking for them umpteen times a day
He did the washing up, the ironing, anything remotely tiring
He'd incurred a heavy debt and had to pay
Meanwhile Janie and her crew sailed on into the blue
Spent their days up on the deck just having fun
But they didn't have an answer to the quick onset of cancer
And were killed by harmful rays from off the sun

O I do like to be beside the seaside
O I do like to be beside the sea
I like to walk along the prom prom prom
Where the brass bands play tiddly- om- pom- pom
O just let me be beside the seaside
I'd be beside myself with glee
And there are lots of girls besides I would like to be beside
Beside the seaside, beside the sea